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Heaven doesn't want me and hell is scared I am going to take over.
-- Eve Toth
Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.
-- Eliane Kirchner
Heavens above! The reason why I'm so jealous of you is obvious enough! If you weren't so damned attractive physically, do you think my heart would beat almost to suffocation whenever I see you speak to someone? If you don't realize how attractive you are in that way, let me tell you, other people do, and have told me so.
-- Violet Trefussis
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.
-- Lord Kelvin
Heavy drinkers have what is known as saloon arthritis -- every night they get stiff in a different joint.
Hell is when there is no reason to live and no courage to die.
-- William Markiewicz
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Herblock's Law: If it is good, they will stop making it.
Here at last we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built here for his envy, will not drive us hence: here we may reign secure, and in my choice to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.
-- John Milton
Here is a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.
-- Richard Bach
Here's to you and here's to me and may we never disagree, but if we do I'll still love you.
Highway billboards must go -- we need the room for roadsigns, garbage dumps, and junkyards.
Highway sign near San Antonio: "Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November -- and anyone exceeding the speed limit."
Hiroshima '45, Tchernobyl '86, Windows '95.
His [Johann Sebastian Bach] skill is no longer simply a technique, but an interpretation of the world, an image of Being; and his music is a phenomenon of the reality of the inconceivable as the cosmos itself.
-- Albert Schweitzer
History books which contain no falsehoods are extremely dull.
History does repeat itself, but not as often as old movies.
History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power. Memory is the same thing on an individual scale.
History is now costing us more than the stuff is worth.
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