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If all else fails, read the directions.
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If all your troubles are behind you, you must be a school bus driver.
If any one attempts to haul down the American flag, shoot him on the spot.
-- John A. Dix
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
If Christianity is pessimistic as to man, it is optimistic as to human destiny. Well, I can say that, pessimistic as to human destiny, I am optimistic as to man.
-- Albert Camus
If Darwin was right you will probably figure it out in a few million years.
If dogs can think, how can we account for their love for man?
If equal affection cannot be, then let the more loving be me.
If everybody liked you, you'd be very boring. If everybody hated you, you're obviously not talented. You have to find a middle ground.
-- Marilyn Manson
If fate hands you a lemon, try to make lemonade.
If fate throws a knife at you, there are two ways of catching it -- by the blade or by the handle.
If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty.
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise.
-- P.Z. Pearce
If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him!
If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
If God wanted us to be naked, we would have been born that way!
If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse.
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