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A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Compromise: Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Creditor: One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
Dentist: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Experience: The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Forgetfulness: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
Incompatibility: In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
Laughter: An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
Optimism: The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
Woman absent is woman dead.
Women would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
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