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  Proverb Zone > Author > Steven Wright

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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. . .I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I bought some batteries but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

I have a microwave fireplace. I can have a relaxing evening in front of the fire in 8 minutes.

I put instant coffee into a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a place to eat. The menu said breakfast served any time. I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. . .

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

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