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  Proverb Zone > Author > Woody Allen

Result Navigation: [ 1 ]

Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

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