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A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.
Certain scientists are working on a new scheme to abolish sleep. The new baby has beaten them to it.
Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can.
Holding your baby in your arms is one of life's great moments. All problems disappear as your gaze into the eyes of your offspring.
If they squeeze olives to make olive oil, how do they make baby oil?
If you want a baby, have a new one. Don't baby the old one.
-- Jessamyn West
Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.
People who say they sleep like a baby haven't got one.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
The sparkle in a baby's eye is brighter than a diamond.
To realize the value of one year, ask a student who has failed his final exam. To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one week, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one day, ask a daily wage laborer who has ten kids to feed. To realize the value of one hour, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet or. . . To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who has missed the train. To realize the value of one second, ask a person who has survived an accident. To realize the value of one millisecond, ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
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